Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
