Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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