got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
