...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
