I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
