didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
