Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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