Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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