She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
