respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
