Betty ford says i'm here all night
Someone shit on the floor
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
