I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
