I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize