So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
