I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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