You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
