you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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