we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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