This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
