Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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