it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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