you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
