how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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