i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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