I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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