Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
