I can't breathe out the right side of my face
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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