I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
