I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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