Just cropdusted the office
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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