can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
