I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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