I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there was a trapeze. enough said
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
