He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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