smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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