Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
