I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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