This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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