I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
