i may or may not be watching the land before time
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
