Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
