I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
