I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
