So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
