Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
