Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize