I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
