We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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