Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
