So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
