I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
