I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
