the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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