so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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