Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
