would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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