break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
