I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
