I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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