I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
