Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
