When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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