i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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