I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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