dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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