Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize