..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
