i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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