can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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