I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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