I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
whose parrot is this?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
