matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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