The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
