Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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