WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
